So how did I find myself back in Myrtle Beach South Carolina during Spring Break when flights are expensive and packed? I was lured in by peer pressure. I wanted to give my kids what other parents had given to theirs...the Spring Break Trip. And I was running out of time. The oldest is in college, the middle is a senior in high school, and the youngest is in primary school-this could possibly be the last time all the Spring Breaks aligned on the calendar!
I had been to Myrtle Beach several years previous during early October for a golf vacation and had enjoyed myself. We had amazing food, even better golf, and relaxed with a beer and a book. This sounded like just what we (I) needed.
I gathered up the remaining of my charges as vacation began after assuring the middle had arrived safely at the airport at 5:30 am-and it quickly became evident that I had gained a responsibility for my mom and my aunt who were also traveling with us. My mom is a planner-much like me. But she is also a brooder-something I am not. Mom began asking me almost two weeks in advance what I was going to pack. At the time, all I knew was "clothes." This did not satisfy her need to plan. Eventually (read as the night I packed), I sent her a list and a picture of my intended clothes. Vacation went very much in this path-with me designated as the activity director.
My aunt, Mary, also went with us on vacation. She is only a few years older than I am and the bonus baby my Gran and Gramps were blessed to have later in life. Mary has intellectual and physical disabilities and now lives with my mom. Mary has taught me many lessons over the years and she was full of them while on vacation. She was so excited to go on Spring Break-it was all she could talk about! Her nieces and nephews and their children took vacation during Spring Break-to Disney, to baseball spring training, to warm beaches-and now she, too, was going. It was her excitement and joy at being one of the "in crowd" that made me realize just how frustrated she must be at times by all she wants to do and cannot.
Mary thrives in structure and predictability, and of course this is the antithesis of vacation. I was worried about how well and how quickly she would adapt. Frankly, its something we all struggle with in varying degrees and I think it is why vacations can bring out the "least" in people. To my surprise and amazement, she adapted to any new twist or turn with relative ease. She spent time on the beach, she tried new foods, she walked miles, and she enjoyed it all! It's hard to travel; its harder when you are one of five traveling together. Mary's ability to adapt and her flexibility was a lesson to all of us.
She deeply misses my Gran. I know we all do, but Mary lived with Gran for more than 50 years. Mary's day to day life was tied to being with my Gran. While we were on vacation, Mary talked about how her mom would like some activity we were doing; or how her mom sang, too, while cooking; or even when it was time to get up, Mary would say that her mom would have told her to "get going." Mary wanted to share this new adventure with her mom. She was proud of going on vacation and she felt her mom would be proud of her too.
Since my Gran died and several of my friends have lost parents, I realize I am lucky to still have my mom with me. Oh yes, she does drive me bananas at times but I think that is part of the job description. I must drive my own children crazy with my own quirky behavior. My mom turned more than "29" this year. Most people find it hard to believe she's "over 29" because she is on the go, active, involved, still working and physically strong. But I see that she is slowing down. I know she is even more worried at times than is healthy for her. She needs to talk to me more frequently than ever before. My mom has gone on vacation with us in the past and I hope she will continue to do so, because it is during these times that we can spend some quality time getting to know each other again. Our lives are so busy, so diverse, and carry so much responsibility that we both strive to make it through the day, week or month in one piece with all the boxes checked.
On vacation and in life, Mary taught me to slow down and enjoy the time with family. Its not so much about seeing everything or being in the mix of something new, its more about taking the time to talk, to play-to truly enjoy the other person. Its about being able to adapt to new situations, compromising, and enjoying the sweetness that relationships with family__crazy ones and normal ones__offer to us. Mary's journey may take a slightly different path than my own, but our desire to be part of the "in crowd," be with family, and enjoy life's blessing is the same at its core.
The middle changed my plan when he wanted to go on a mission trip with his classmates. I can forgive this because, after all, this IS his senior year and he's beginning his own journey into adulthood. Its a time in his life that he will look back upon and forever remember the good, the bad, and the ludicrous. The middle substituted helping in soup kitchens, pantries, and other charitable organizations for the slow pace of the beach vacation I envisioned. I was disappointed not to spend time with him in these dwindling months that he will be tethered to home (and me), but I am very proud of him for his giving spirit.
I gathered up the remaining of my charges as vacation began after assuring the middle had arrived safely at the airport at 5:30 am-and it quickly became evident that I had gained a responsibility for my mom and my aunt who were also traveling with us. My mom is a planner-much like me. But she is also a brooder-something I am not. Mom began asking me almost two weeks in advance what I was going to pack. At the time, all I knew was "clothes." This did not satisfy her need to plan. Eventually (read as the night I packed), I sent her a list and a picture of my intended clothes. Vacation went very much in this path-with me designated as the activity director.
My aunt, Mary, also went with us on vacation. She is only a few years older than I am and the bonus baby my Gran and Gramps were blessed to have later in life. Mary has intellectual and physical disabilities and now lives with my mom. Mary has taught me many lessons over the years and she was full of them while on vacation. She was so excited to go on Spring Break-it was all she could talk about! Her nieces and nephews and their children took vacation during Spring Break-to Disney, to baseball spring training, to warm beaches-and now she, too, was going. It was her excitement and joy at being one of the "in crowd" that made me realize just how frustrated she must be at times by all she wants to do and cannot. Mary thrives in structure and predictability, and of course this is the antithesis of vacation. I was worried about how well and how quickly she would adapt. Frankly, its something we all struggle with in varying degrees and I think it is why vacations can bring out the "least" in people. To my surprise and amazement, she adapted to any new twist or turn with relative ease. She spent time on the beach, she tried new foods, she walked miles, and she enjoyed it all! It's hard to travel; its harder when you are one of five traveling together. Mary's ability to adapt and her flexibility was a lesson to all of us.
Her greatest joy though was not the sights, the smells, or the sounds of vacation. The biggest smiles and her most enjoyable moments were the ones she spent just being "with" us. She was happy to be walk around Adalaya with Libby, to explore the gardens in Charleston with my mom, to watch the basketball games with me, to eat at the Hard Rock Cafe with John. She honestly and truly enjoyed being with her family. In that respect, she is just like my Gran.
She deeply misses my Gran. I know we all do, but Mary lived with Gran for more than 50 years. Mary's day to day life was tied to being with my Gran. While we were on vacation, Mary talked about how her mom would like some activity we were doing; or how her mom sang, too, while cooking; or even when it was time to get up, Mary would say that her mom would have told her to "get going." Mary wanted to share this new adventure with her mom. She was proud of going on vacation and she felt her mom would be proud of her too.
And Gran would have been amazed at Mary's resilience and determination! Walking around for miles and encountering strange new places can be difficult and exhausting. While moving at a slower pace, Mary did everything the group did. She ate at new places (although almost always ordering a hamburger), she rode in a horse carriage, she walked on the beach looking for shells, she shopped (something she doesn't really enjoy), she toured a historic building, she played games with us, she participated in activities at the resort with us and she even made jokes that made us laugh.
Since my Gran died and several of my friends have lost parents, I realize I am lucky to still have my mom with me. Oh yes, she does drive me bananas at times but I think that is part of the job description. I must drive my own children crazy with my own quirky behavior. My mom turned more than "29" this year. Most people find it hard to believe she's "over 29" because she is on the go, active, involved, still working and physically strong. But I see that she is slowing down. I know she is even more worried at times than is healthy for her. She needs to talk to me more frequently than ever before. My mom has gone on vacation with us in the past and I hope she will continue to do so, because it is during these times that we can spend some quality time getting to know each other again. Our lives are so busy, so diverse, and carry so much responsibility that we both strive to make it through the day, week or month in one piece with all the boxes checked.On vacation and in life, Mary taught me to slow down and enjoy the time with family. Its not so much about seeing everything or being in the mix of something new, its more about taking the time to talk, to play-to truly enjoy the other person. Its about being able to adapt to new situations, compromising, and enjoying the sweetness that relationships with family__crazy ones and normal ones__offer to us. Mary's journey may take a slightly different path than my own, but our desire to be part of the "in crowd," be with family, and enjoy life's blessing is the same at its core. 